THIS QUEST...IS OVER!

  After four long months of not eating, strenuous exercising, ignoring I was on a diet, and then not eating again, I have finally reached my goal this morning.  I stepped up onto that electronic scale of mine and it read 170 pounds in all its digital glory.  It was a triumphant sight to behold.  Now, a lot of you have been asking me to post before-and-after pictures to prove that this weight loss did indeed actually happen.  Well, I forgot to take a "before" picture and I am too lazy to get up and take one of me now, so here is an artists depiction of my four month journey:

  As you can see, I look MUCH better than I previously did way back in September; although, it seems I may have lost a finger on my left hand somewhere in the process.  Lazy artist.
  If that visual proof does not convince you, here is a direct quote from my truthful wife:

  Aw gee, thanks Lyd. That was very sweet and truthful of you to say that.  Well, what's next for me you may or may not be asking yourselves?  I am in the process of creating a new workout plan to strengthen my abdominal and upper body muscles.  I have never had six-pack abs before, so after the new year I will be meeting with a physical trainer to help figure out how to achieve that goal.  It's going to be a very difficult quest, but one I look forward to tackling with the ferocity of six South African mountain goats. Yeah, it's gonna get real up in here. So, is this blog finished?  Sorry to disappoint, but not by a long shot. 

This Just In...

Ha, just kidding.  I'm not reporting anything until next week.  You will all have to wait in nerve-racking anticipation for the results.  I have 14 days until the ultimate weigh-in.  In between that time I have Christmas parties, birthday parties, and Christmas to foil my evil plans of looking good.  Curse you parties. YOU SHALL NOT PASS...I mean WIN.  YOU SHALL NOT WIN!

Danger, Will Robinson!

 

 

  It seems that the weight loss gods have decided to throw a curve ball in my epic quest to look good.  I have officially injured a muscle near my hip rendering my ability to run obsolete.  This is a bad thing seeing how I have lost probably 65% of my weight from running.  I guess it makes this little adventure more suspenseful, eh?  Wrong! It makes it incredibly more difficult and just a ginourmous pain in the butt...or should I say pain in the hip. Nice.

  The good news is that I lost 2 pounds this week which brings me down to 172.5 pounds.  I have 22 days to reach the 170 mark.  Can it be done?  Will I make it? Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel. 

 

Proverbial Poop, Meet Proverbial Fan

  This is it kids, this is where the proverbial "poop" hits the proverbial "fan."  It's time to buckle down so I can buckle down tighter on my belt. It's time to shape up so I can look shapely.  It's time to rock and roll so I can have a rock-hard body and no more fat rolls.  It's time to...I can't think of any more stupid lines. Next paragraph please.
  It was a tough week out here in Weight Loss Land.  Not only was it Thanksgiving, but I injured a tendon or muscle near my hip so I was unable to run this past week.  In lieu of the lack of cardio, I worked twice as hard on my upper body, hopefully putting a little muscle mass up there.  Oh yeah, I also splurged on a few fast food meals as well.  In spite of all that, I managed to lose one pound.  I don't know how that happened, but you will hear no complaints from me.  According to the calendar I have 29 days left to lose 4.5 pounds.  Hm.  It's not going to be a fun December.  The end is near in my epic quest to look good.  Who knows, once I look good, maybe I will embark on another epic quest to look amazing or fantastic.    
 

Riddle me this...

     How does one lose weight when one is also trying to gain muscle mass?  It's a conundrum.  I lost only a half a pound this week, but due to the new workout plan of building up my upper body, it's not surprising.  Granted, my lack of weight lose could also be due to the double quarter-pounder with cheese and large fries I zombied down last night. Stupid fast food.   
     Well, I have only 36 days left to go on this most epic quest of mine.  It's been a wild ride, and when I say "wild" I actually mean horrible.  It's no fun regulating food-intake and exercising four or five times a week, but the payoff is worth it...I guess.  Not to brag, but I liken my legs to chiseled ivory now.  I bet I can use my legs to chop firewood this winter.  Anyway, until next week kids.  

Five to Go!

Since I love using visuals in my blog I thought I would show you what five pounds of fat looks like.  What that woman with the slight mustache is holding is what I need to burn in the next month or so.  Gross, but also somewhat interesting. No, just gross. 

Daaaang Calories, You Just Got Burned!

  I just returned from McDonalds where I wolfed down two delicious sausage, egg, and cheese Mcgriddles. Speaking of meat, I wonder why we decided to use the wolf as a metaphor for how quickly we eat something.  I’m surprised PETA hasn’t tried to change that yet.  I think a better phrase should be, “I just zombied down some Mcgriddles for breakfast.”  It’s much more graphic AND less offensive to wolves.  Anyway, this little splurge was my celebration meal for losing 2.5 pounds this week. Hooray for me!  

  Okay, so I officially weigh 175.5 pounds.  I have a little more than five to go in a month and a half.  I think I will just lose as much as I can before January and see what happens.  What a boring post.  What a boring blog.  Ugh.    

D'oh!

 
  What you see above is something I created after I found out the results of my weight loss this week.  I call it the Frustration Reduction Kit.  For best results follow these four simple rules:

1. Place kit on firm surface.

2. Follow directions in circle of kit.

3.  Repeat step two as necessary, or until unconscious.

4. If unconscious, cease frustration reduction activity.

   

  When I play board games I have a tendency to think I am winning the entire game until the moment we all reveal our points/cards at the end and find out I actually came in last place.  It’s rather annoying.  This is a good metaphor for what happened to me this week in my epic quest to look good.  I really thought I had lost at LEAST two pounds, but found out I had GAINED half of pound.  Annoying.  Very annoying.   This week I weigh 178 pounds.  Blah. 

    

  This week marks the tenth week of my diet.  I have a little less than two months to go before my January deadline.  I noticed that my first blog entry said that my goal was 175, but it is actually 170.  Eight pounds to go!  It’s doable.  See ya next week with positive results. Wait, would I want negative results since I am losing weight? Whatever.          

Phase 1 Complete!!!

  Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that Phase 1 in my epic quest to look good is officially complete.  I have torn down the dreaded wall and now reside in the wonderful land of the 170’s (see above artwork for reference).  I now weigh 177.5 pounds bringing me under the 180 mark.   Fifty-five days ago I started this journey and now I have a little less than half way to go to reach my 170 pound goal.  How did I celebrate this smashing success? Well, I had McDonalds for breakfast and Taco Bell for lunch obviously.  There’s irony somewhere in there, but I just can’t find it. Oh well. 

  Now it is time to initiate Phase 2. This involves MORE weight loss with some weight training thrown in for fun and giggles.  I will start by doing push-ups every other day and then add sit-ups later on.   By the time I’m done, Michelangelo is going to be begging his maker to return to Earth just to sculpt a likeness of my body.     

   Okay kids, thanks for reading.  See y'all next week.

To Be Continued...

I did not get to exercise this week due to bruising my ribs playing soccer.  It seemed like the opposing player tried to go through me rather than around me when trying to score.  It did not work out for both of us.  To top that off, I went camping this past weekend and pretty much lived off this:

That picture is probably a good estimate of how many I ate in a single day.  Hey, those are CIDER donuts so I was just trying to fulfill my daily fruit intake.  Needless to say there is a good chance I did not lose any weight this week.  With that said, I will officially dub this past week an "off-week."  I will weigh myself next Sunday.  Deal with it.        

Hitting the Proverbial Wall

    Picture myself slammed against this brick wall and that would be a good representation of how I am doing on my diet.  This is why I don't make promises kids.  Napoleon said it best when he said, "The best way to keep one's word is not to give it."  I failed myself and I also failed my thousands of loyal readers, and for this I apologize.  I also apologize for lying about having thousands of loyal readers.  I think I have like three people who read this thing, and they're not even loyal.  Now I have zero readers for calling them not loyal. I digress. 
     If there is good news to be had in this blog post, it's that I did not gain any weight this past week.  The bad news is that not only did I NOT lose the promised 2.5 pounds, but I did not lose ANY weight at all.  Ugh.  With that said, I promise to lose 10 pounds this week.  Ha. Just kidding.  Man, who knew an epic quest to look good would be so stinkin' difficult.  I will leave you with a visual representation of the weight I lost this week:    

Yup. Nothing.

He Shoots...He....Misses!

  Well, according to this little graph I created I am doing something right.  That's the good news.  Bad news is that this journey is taking a little longer than I anticipated.  This week was HORRIBLE, but that might be because of the mounds of junk food I ate throughout the week.  I don't think I used one bit of discretion these past seven days.  Fast food, check!  large portions, check!  Large Oreo ice cream blizzard, double-check!  Because of that, I only dropped a half of a measly pound this week putting me at 180.5 now.  Bummer.  But hey, why do we fall?  So we can learn to pick ourselves up.  I don't make promises very often, but I promise I will drop AT LEAST 2.5 pounds this coming week.  See ya next week with (hopefully) good news.  Cheers!      

Taco's and Burgers and Ice Cream, Oh My!

  What does one do to celebrate another great week of weight loss?  Well, eat at Taco Bell, naturally.  Oh so tasty tacos, why are you so evil to my body?  Totally worth it though. No regrets.      

  So, your friendly neighborhood weight loss hero has done it again kids!  This week was met with a few slight bumps along the way (ice cream, McDonalds, Subway, Chinese food, more ice cream),  but I still managed to burn 2.5 pounds off my ever-so-shrinking body.  I now weigh in at 181 pounds, with the grand total of weight loss coming to eight pounds thus far.  Eight pounds!  That’s as much as this slimy fish:

Or this stupid looking dog:

  

  Take that you stupid looking dog that visually represents my burned body fat. You are no more a part of my life.

  Okay, time to wrap this up.  Next week is a huge milestone for me, because I will (hopefully) be under the 180 mark.  I might just have to bypass the Taco Bell celebration meal and upgrade to a Portillos cheeseburger and cake shake.  Now that's how you celebrate weight loss my friends. Stay tuned next week for another installment of  "My EPIC QUEST TO LOOK GOOD,good, good, good,  good!"

   

Meesa Losta Weight! Ya-hoo!

   Meesa so happy! Meesa losta some weight.  Yousa might be happy too, okeeday? Wow, I can't do it.  I wanted to do a whole post talking like Jar-Jar, but by the end of the second sentence I wanted to punch myself in the face.  What a terrible character.  Anyway, I did not weigh myself last week for fear of actually gaining weight so I put it off a week and now here we are.  I weighed myself this morning and I dropped another 3.5 pounds.  Hooray for me!  I am officially under the 185 mark and am now at 183.5 pounds.  The next milestone will be getting under 180, so that will hopefully happen in the next few weeks.
   Well, it's been three long weeks since I started this little weight blog and I think it is helping.  I have lost 6.5 pounds so far.  I have a LONG journey ahead of me but I seem to be doing something right so I will continue to rock and roll my way through my EPIC QUEST TO LOOK GOOD!   

Me: I need to know something Jar-Jar.
Jar-Jar Binks: Whatsa you need to know?
Me: Are you retarded?  
Jar-Jar Binks: Yousa might'n be sayin dat.
Me: Yeah, I figured.

Thanks Dr. Phil

   It's been a tough week here in weight loss land.  My will-power was not as strong as it was last week and I ate more than I probably should have. Okay, the Butterfinger, Mountain Dew, and chips for lunch on Sunday probably did not help my cause.  To top it off, I bruised a tendon prohibiting me from running throughout the week.  It is still giving me a problem so I have to come up with other ways to burn those calories off.  Oh, and now I am sick with a cold, so physical activity is completely out for the next few days. If only the tapeworm diet was not banned in the United States. Yeah, I checked.
   In lieu of last weeks pitiful display weight loss, I will not weigh myself this week.  My date with the scale will be postponed until next week.  This week I will be redoubling my efforts to fight off the evil forces known as empty calories, laziness, and second helpings in my EPIC QUEST TO LOOK GOOD. I didn't even need a John Williams score to make that last sentence epic. I mean business.  See ya next week...nobody.

FAIL!

     I got up nice and early on Labor Day and jogged five miles.  It was a fantastic start to the day and to my week. Unfortunately, I strayed from the diet by having peanut butter gelato in a waffle cone for a snack and two large helpings of pizza for dinner.  No good.  No good at all. 

Good News...Nobody!

     This is the moment no one has been waiting for.  It has been officially one week into my "get fit quick" scheme and it has been a wild ride so far.  So, how much weight have I lost?  Well, first of all, I did not lose it... I burned it off like a pyromaniac on the fourth of July.  I jogged, participated in sports, and did the opposite of eating, and at the end of the week I am 2.5 pounds slimmer. That's 1.3 kilograms for all you kilo lovers out there.  And for those of you who need a visual representation of what 2.5 pounds looks like, here is a can of beef flavored textured vegetable protein for ya: 

     I am loosely basing my diet on the No S Diet, which entails no snacks, no sweets, and no seconds except on days that start with S.  I also add in a lot of running almost every day to make sure I am getting the job done. 
     At the start of week two I weigh 186.5 pounds.  It is been a LONG time since I was at that weight, so I guess I am doing something right which is something I am not quite used to.  I would LOVE to be under 185 by next week, but I guess we will all have to wait in fist-clenching anticipation until next weeks post to find out if that will become a reality. Until next time, stay classy world wide web.            

Welcome...To Jurassic Park

     Well, not really, but this has been in the making for the past 65 million years.  Okay, no, but it IS history for this is my FIRST blog entry EVER. I LOVE capitalizing THINGS to emphasize my POINT!  Anyway, just to be clear, I don't really intend for other human beings to view this, because it is not made for you.  This is my online journal to help me keep track of my health.  My hope is that this blog will be some sort of motivator to assist me in losing weight.  Boring, right? Well, stop reading it then. 

     Let's begin.  On Monday, August 30th, 2010 I started my "diet" and exercise program.  I have completed almost three days of my self-made program and I am going strong.  My goal is to drop down to 175 pounds before January 1st, 2011.  That's 122 days to lose 14 pounds.  I currently weigh 189, so it will be a tough road, but not an impossible one.
     Okay, I am done for now.  Next week I will post my new weight and explain what I am doing to get my butt back into shape. Thundercats are GOOOOOOOOO!